Hey, friends
I've been seeing a lot of posts where people complain about other people "whining about the results of the election." And frankly, I'm feeling a little wounded.
It hurts me when people don't acknowledge the colossal difference between peaceful protests and riots. The march I attended was neither violent, nor whiny.
It stings when people characterize us as "just sore losers" when I KNOW I have concrete, well-substantiated concerns about the future. This election wasn't about winning for me; it was about finding the courage to voice my complex feelings about really tough issues. It was about protecting my fellow Americans' constitutional rights. It was about providing vocal support to the many silent victims of abuse so that they know that I will stand with them if they need my support. It was about defending the refugee women who I work with and love so much from policies that could jeopardize their safety. (side note: let me know if you're interested in volunteering at Refugee Focus in Phoenix. It's so wonderful.)
I've been struggling lately. All my life, I've had depression, and that has contributed to my tendency to see most moral issues in black and white. As I've been working on recovering, and learning to treat myself more kindly, it's become easier for me to perceive others more kindly too. And suddenly my opinions have shades of grey; new perspectives and nuances that I didn't allow myself to see before.
My faith has been in transition because suddenly the dam between my contradicting beliefs is broken, and I'm swept up in a flood of cognitive dissonance. Suddenly my commitment to acting on my beliefs with integrity means something different.
And it hurts, you guys. It hurts. Every day, I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of others. Every day, I'm trying to see every issue from every perspective at once. Every day, I'm trying to bear the burdens and heal the wounds of those around me. And now when I hear my fellow Christians voice the black-and-white opinions I used to share, I feel the pain that my words must have caused those who heard me speak.
I want to shout to those people: "I'm so sorry! I understand better now how you must have felt. I'm ready to listen now. I'm ready to do my part." And I guess some of you are those people. I'm sorry. I'm learning. Please reach out to me if you have a perspective you would like me to understand.
I want to shake some of my Christian friends and shout at them: "You don't understand! People are hurting! Don't add to that burden. We can hear them and help them together!" But I don't. I wouldn't have liked that when I was in their shoes. And sometimes, I'm struck by my own hypocrisy when I judge them for seeing the mote in their brother's eye, and not the beam in their own. There's probably an elephant in my eye. How dare I1 judge someone for standing where I just stood?
So I went to a protest. The night before, I stayed up late painting beautiful signs about my hopes for America, and a few snarky ones that make light of situations that cause me horrible, dark fear. I painted bible verses that I hoped would touch the hearts of liberal and conservative Christians alike. I tried to highlight real, individual issues and the effects they're having on my sisters and brothers.
I pushed through my anxiety and stood shoulder-to-shoulder with 20,000 individuals in solidarity on a multitude of issues. I talked with strangers about our shared concerns, and our different concerns. I thanked the police for being there to protect us. Then I rode a manic, panicky anxiety wave till 2 in the morning and woke up totally wired again 4 hours later.
And again, I feel like a dam has broken and I NEED to talk about these things. (At great length, apparently.) I want so badly to discuss my new ideas, and hear the differing viewpoints of others. Instead, we're all shouting the same talking points past each other, reducing the nuanced beliefs and experiences of others to insulting caricatures, and digging deeper into our trenches.
I'm trying to climb out of my trench, but I need your support and perspectives to help lift me. I understand that when I am standing in the open, outside my trench of personal opinion, some will see me as an enemy and attack. And that wounds me, but I'm going to do it anyway. Please consider this my white flag of truce. Let's end this war.
